Shopping and sex

21/5/11

As we are in a big city it was time to track down a chiropractor and make an appointment. We boarded the lovely air condoned sky train and walked through a terribly middle class area with police me on every street corner most of whom were sheltering in a hut designed the shape of a police mans hat. Fairly heavily armed men standing under a oversized hat was a some what incongruous sight…

Upon arrival at the chiropractic center James was taken cracked, massaged and attached to a 1960 tens machine. Whilst this was taking place I hit the local restaurants trying to buy some ice for him to apply to his neck after the treatment. Explaining the my friend had burnt himself and needed ice elicited a number of concerned or quizzical looks but no ice- although one restaurant did give me some cold after dinner wipes. Never to be beaten I carried out and tracked down a small supermarket and purchased some ice. Upon retuning to the center the lady behind the counter gave me a strange look and then she pieced together what the foreigner had been asking her for and went over to the freezer and pulled out an ice pack that James could use!

After a quick street food lunch we headed to Thailand’s largest wholesale clothes market. The first 10 minutes were spent trying to work out where we were in this 6 floor two building complex. Next we had to work out how to get to where we wanted to be and eventually we found men’s clothes. We spent 3 hours wandering round looking at clothes and making a number of purchases which sounds easier that it was.

Firstly we had to work out the price as one item was a different price to buying 2 3 or 10 items.

Secondly we had to work out what size we were. In the UK I am a medium and James is a small so long as the garment its long (tight and missshapen??J). Here in Thailand the land of the skinny the shopping assistants thought we were deluded when we asked for small or medium. They obliged of course but we soon discovered that James was large and I was extra large or beyond the scale. One was not impressed. How could we have gone from average to huge by just changing continents. We knew the time zone and the temperature was different but our body size too?

Thirdly we had to ascertain if we could try on the clothes (sometimes yes and some times no) and if yes where we should try them on. The options were in the middle of the shop concealed within a ladies skirt to preserve ones modesty or in the middle of the shop with nothing to conserve ones modesty. James was amazingly brave (or was he just desperate for some new clothes) and at one point was just standing in his underpants trying on a variety of clothes.

After 3 hours I declared that I was all shopped out and I headed outside for a coffee. James had 6 new tops, and two pairs of shorts but needed some new canvas shoes so he headed to the shoe section (building 1 floor 5 zone 3) and I headed out with my two new tea shirts. After another half hour we both emerged into a humid down town Bangkok and headed back to the accommodation to prepare for Bangkok’s other favorite pastime… a big sleazy night out


Parental warning: The following text contains details of a sexual nature. If your are easily shocked please turn off the computer and turn into BBC radio three for some nice soothing music.


OK our sleazy night out consisted of visiting the gay bars of Bangkok where we encounter some of the campest and some of the hottest men we have ever met. Our first waiter was the epitome of everything we dislike about gay men. He was over the top, sexually graphic told extremely tall stories and his conversation revolved around his ass his latest sexual conquest and cocks. He took quite a liking to James and his hands roved freely but upon discovering that neither James or I wanted to fuck him he recovered from the shock and enquired as to why not. Learning that we were married he produced an out of order sign and placed it on our table. Fortunately he then got bored with us and we got talking to another bar man who was lovely. He told us about the local gay scene and the local area and the best male go go bar to frequent. Again we felt somewhat like atiller the hun as gey men in the UK have a propensity to be slim and ware tight clothes and Bangkok is no exception apart from the fact that waist lines are about the size of most British peoples left leg!

After a fortifying meal at MacDonald’s (I told you it was a proper sleazy night out) we headed passed the many live female ping pong shows/ massage/ sex show areas to the gay male version. We headed into BBB (best boys Bangkok) and after eliciting the price list (one does not like to be ripped off) settled in for the show. Well we were rewarded with a beauty parade of 20 something hunks in unfeasibly small underpants, dancing some of which was amazing, lots and lots of nudity including a nude acrobat and some rather raunchy shows which appeared to deify the bounds of human anatomy…the details of which are available upon request!

At midnight we transferred to the basement for some more shows and we got talking to the owner who had retired 14 years ago but got bored with that and now aged 70 owns two go go bars and a nightclub. He employs over 100 hunks and an assortment of waiting staff many of whom are go go boys that have been put out to pasture “well they cant go on for ever can they. ”