The chickens stole my brownie points

20/7/11-

Its 3am and the cockerels are still cock-a-dudalooing. Are these chickens inbread, do they not know it’s the middle of the night, why are they sleeping up a tree as opposed to in a hutch and why can’t they shut up. 5am- its mosque-o-clock and we are being called to prayer. Why of why is this so loud and why does it go on. Dawn and the cockerels are really going for it. Sleep is abandoned!

8am and James is in bed with stomach pain and I am on a mission to find some accommodation that is on the beach front, away from the village and the very audible chickens. First stop is a café that has internet. After clarifying the internet is working I order a coffee to try and address my sleep deprivation issues. It then becomes apparent that the internet is not working and herein ensures an argument with the owner about why I am not paying for my coffee and am in fact going to another café where the internet is working. The end result is I walk off and she calls me a shit. Let’s hope there is more internet on the island.

The other internet café is not working either so as it is nearly the time that boats arrive from the bigger islands I set off in search of some accommodation. 1 hour later I find that there are only 5 rooms on the beach that are out of ear shot of the village chickens. The first room is discounted as it’s next to a building sight, the second next to a generator, the third and fourth are still occupied. Alighting upon the fifth room I am sure that the chickens have stolen the brownie points awarded to me by James for finding a cheap room a few days before. Will this last apartment complex be my saviour and allow me to salvage some brownie points and more importantly find somewhere quite to lay down my head. The initial signs are good. No chickens, mosques or other noisy wildlife. They have vacancies, the rooms are built of a solid material and are sumptuous. I am now torn between sleeping and saving money. How much will this room set me back. The answer 6.5 times more than the cheap room. It almost blows the budget but the room is nice, there is HOT water and we do need to sleep. Relenting I say though almost gritted teeth “ yes I will take the room for three days.”

The next challenge is to get back to the original accommodation but it’s hot now and this is a 40 minute walk. Feeling that the room is expensive enough to warrant the free use of a bicycle I enquire as to whether I could borrow one. Returning to James we pack and then I head off on the bike with the first load of bags. We could have taken a horse and cart on this car free island but I am still in shock and my wallet is firmly in my pocket. Sometime later I return to collect the second bag and head off. Some 3 hours later we are both sitting in the room, smelling rather sweaty but enjoying our unusually plush surroundings. Not only does the toilet have a flush but there are fly nets in the windows, the floor is tiled , the sheet clean, the bathroom is sumptuous, the fan effective and the electricity stays on all day!

After a spot of lunch we decide that we shall spend the day sitting on the hotel sun loungers reading books. After an hour I am inevitably board and decide that I could pass the day by completing our tax returns as despite being on the other side of the world the tax man needs to be kept happy! So overlooking the sea with a beer in hand I began thinking that there are worse place to complete ones missive to the inland revenue.

Some 6 hours later I find we owe more than I would like to and I have a headache so with a slightly better James we head out for dinner. We meet up with Darren once more and bemoan the appalling service we receive. Being in Asia for 5 months I am used to slow and food coming when its ready normally at a Luke warm temperature. That is Asia! What I am not used to is requiring a pair of tits to ensure that I get any form of service. That said Darren realised that there was another caveat- you had to have a pair of young tits as her 35 year old ones did not elicit a speedy service either!

Eventually our food came and it was nice but we suspected that a little of James chicken may have been undercooked but from a BBQ this can be forgiven. What really pissed me off was the tardiness in the delivery of my cocktail. Never keep me waiting for 40miniutes for a drink! Venturing to the bar I enquired as to the location of the drinks and the water said he would make them. I said I would wait and he replied “well I will make these nice girls a drink first”. The girls in question were undoubtedly gorgeous and may even have put out later that night but they had not ordered a drink yet. At this we gave up and headed home resolving to not be annoyed by men who thought only with their dicks!