Culture and Carnage

09/08/11

Today was an event of two distinct half’s. Waking at a respectable time we breakfasted together before heading into Melbourne to explore the cultural delights on offer. We stopped at the immigration museum and explore a wonderful set of exhibits including some clearly designed to challenge perceptions in the modern day. There was also many interactive exhibits include reviewing immigration applications and either granting or rejecting them. James took to this with a real zeal and all I can say is that I hope I never have to present my case to immigration officer Rushby as I doubt I or many others would be getting in… nurses and fit sports stars should be ok though.

The afternoon saw us lunching by the river before walking back though the botanical gardens. Back at the hostel we chatted with some school teachers before having nice meal together.

Then the low culture and carnage began… We headed out to the neighbours night were we met actual neighbours celebrities incuding Dr Karl Kennedy!!! WOW WOW WOW. As an 80’s child this is pretty special as every evening at 5.35 each day we and all other school children would tune in to watch Neighbours. The venue was an English pub and whilst we have been to many “English” pubs abroad that don’t live up to their billing this certainly did. The decor was a faithful rendition of a proper boozer right down to the faint whiff of hovered up sick. The clientele were also similar to that at home. Manly straight English men and women a few gay ones a small smattering of Australians, some Irish, Welsh, Scottish and one Japanese.

After installing ourselves in the bar with a good view of the stage we submitted our question to the star… “Dr Karl if you could cheat again with any woman past or present in neighbours who would it be?” We thought this was in chickens words a “cracking’ question but alas it was never answered.

Shortly before the neighbour’s stars appeared we were joined by two girls from Northern Ireland. Belfast to be precise. Chick’s eyes lit up as he had been hoping for some female company. We began talking to them and chicken made a decision that would haunt him for the rest of the night… he chatted to the less attractive of the two girls and she took a shine to him whilst he really wanted the other one. Despite some match making from me the hotty would not trample on here cousins feet even though both chicken and she fancied on another. More later…

So the night began and two “new” neighbour’s actors appeared on stage to a moderate ripple of applause and then the crowd of 25-35 year olds whet wild as the legend that is Dr Karl Kennedy made his debut. Now here was a 50 something man that clearly loved his job and was living the dream. To almost universal cat calls of appreciation from man and women gay and straight he took to the stage and launched into some witty banter before heading round to be photographed with the guests. The photos which James will no doubt put on Facebook are testament to our excitement of meeting this legend combined with our worrying levels of intoxication on Australian wine.

Post photos and the quiz it was time for pub party games. The first was an 18-30 stylee snogathon. Later games included singing, acting and then low and behold dancing. And this is where my night took a decided turn for the worse. The compere noticing that I was rather exuberant decided that I should enter the competition. Now I am not usually shy at taking centre stage but I know my limitations. Unfortunately he did not. Refusing to take no for an answer I was dragged yes dragged backwards heals digging into the ground all the way up to the stage. Here in front of 80 people I was instructed to dance as the first of 5 competitors. All I can say is thank goodness there was not a camera to film me as the dispersal of the crowed at the end of the night saw the witnesses disappear and my horrific dancing dissipating into a the fog of memory.

Dr Karl then took to the stage with his band and again the crowd went wild and much drinking and dancing ensured. Coming round to 11pm we decided that we would head off for one drink in the local gay bar before heading home. By now chickens lust for the sexy one had increased and he began a charm offensive. His jokes were coming thick and fast but he was constantly deadpanning but despite our attempts to shut him up he continued. 15 excruciating minutes later the charm offensive had come to an end but alas the sexy one was not wooed.

The five of us headed off to the gay bar and were greeted by a fabulous drag queen tottering about in high heels and inch think makeup. One drink somehow turned into two more bottles of wine and being well tanked up we hit the dance floor. Chicken turned his afternoon to the less sexy of the two girls and was kissing her in no time... She thought she had a promise on and tried to take chicken home and was most put out when he said and I quote “I am not that type of boy.” Well this was the last straw for her and she made a swift exit. One may think this was part of chicken’s master plan as he was alone with the sexy one but despite getting top marks for effort she was not falling for the Geordie patter.

As the night progressed the carnage that was our night out increased. Reviewing the photographs we see that James’s head was forced into the crotch of the drag queen, I shed most of my clothes and was recorded dancing in just a vest top and jeans, chicken tried to “own the stage” much to the annoyance of the drag queen who pushed him off and… well that’s enough for one night!